8: Improving

012_leiderschap_conflictstijlen_thomas_kilmann1

When was the last time you had an apocalypse about yourself and found out something for the first time? For me this has happend a few times in the last two years due to my education. One of the courses every quarter is career guidance (loopbaanbegeleiding). During these lessons you look at yourself and try to understand how you function, why you do it like that and how you can improve yourself. These are the most valuable lessons of my education for me. They have learned me the most. The last lesson was about handling conflicts. In this lesson we tried to determine which attitude and approach you fall back to in conflict situations. We used the model of Thomas and Killman (see http://www.managetrainlearn.com/page/conflict-resolution-model). I knew about myself I use two different approaches in two different situations; with situations regarding personal topics and non personal topics (mostly work related). My first impression was that I use Avoiding with personal topics and Competing with non personal topics. The assignment was to determine which negative emotions or believes made me choose those approaches. I discovered that in both cases it was about being appraised.
In the personal topics a negativ remark made me feel unappreciated. I missed that tap on my shoulder. I felt disappointed. But I said nothing about it I let it be. This is not Avoiding, but Accomodating.
In the non personal topics I don’t let my emotions get to me and try to determine what the real problem is; what we can do to improve the situation or to avoid being in the same situation next time. So I am looking for Coöperation rather than Competing. I am much more looking out for the otherone’s interest than I thought.
In both situations I rely on my firm believe that the tap on the shoulder will come some day.
This apocalypse made my wonder if this really is the best approach. In fact I let my own well being depend too much on what someone else might do.
So I learned something about myself, but I also have something to improve yet. It’s great to know there is always something to improve!
See you tomorrow

Source picture: http://123management.nl/0/030_cultuur/a300_cultuur_13_conflictstijlen.html

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