6: Contradiction

Today is the last day of my first holiday of this year. I have the luxury of having a two week Xmas holiday every year. This time I had a busy but nice two weeks. I hardly spent any time at home, visited many friends, had a wonderfull time with my son and made a good effort to catch up with my schoolwork. This morning I was thinking about the coming year and the plans I have, the goals I’ve set myself. This is when I realized I do have a lot of plans this year. It’s going to be a busy year, again. And I wondered why I feel so at ease with the thougth of busy times? Why am I so happy with being busy? When I know I can enjoy the quiet times I have every now and then. I love to have a moment for myself, just doing nothing or something I realy love to do, like reading or watching a movie. So being busy and having a lot of plans makes me feel at ease, while having some time for myself is what I realy love. How do I handle this contradiction? Thinking about this I came to my first apocalypse of this year. I realized for the first time how my mind works on this subject. Being busy and having plans keeps me from having a feeling of waisting my time. When I do the things I planned I feel like accomplishing something. And that feeling makes me happy. So if I plan the things I love to do, in between the things that need to be done, I will feel at ease when I do them and feel happy afterwards when I’ve done them!
Realizing this I started thinking about sudden changes, which can’t be planned and happen to all of us. And about creativity, which can’t be planned, but can’t be ignored either. How do I deal with that? How do I handle these without becoming unhappy? I haven’t figured that out yet. So I’ll have to think about that some more and will tell you when I have my apocalypse on that. Untill next time!

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